our worlds

It’s sad,
How people lock themselves up,
In their own little world.

We lie to ourselves,
Say that everything’s alright,
Everythings fine.

We wear the mask,
And act the part,
And say it’s all part of the show.

We live in boxes,
See in darkness,
And speak in lies.

I’t’s our world
That we live in,
Why should it change?

Dreams of a Dreamed Adventure – Dark Woods

Now last time I had defeated an evil being of magic who could not give me any information of the shadows that took my light. I traveled forth towards dark woods Of course, it wasn’t always this way. Once it was noble, once it was powerful, once it ruled our lands. Not so now. After the storms and shadows loomed over us it ravished the woods and dark and evils things now lurk in its shadows.

I was nervous I knew traveling during the night through these woods was not a wise choice. I only had enough daylight to reach the edge of the woods and I dare not use my amulet any longer for the last battle I had evoked my berserker rage and it left my energy zapped and tired and I had not slept since that battle. I use to think of my rage a gift given to me of the gods. Kord is the storm god and the lord of battle. He revels in strength, battlefield prowess, and thunder. Fighters and athletes revere him. He is a mercurial god, unbridled and wild, who summons storms over land and sea; those who hope for better weather appease him with prayers and spirited toasts. . Kord is the son of Phaulkon and Syrul, and the grandson of Lendor. He is a foe of dragonkind, especially lawful evil dragons. Kord’s favorite heralds are titans. He wears a fighting girdle made from a red dragon’s hide, gauntlets from a white dragon’s hide, and boots from a blue dragon’s hide. He wields the greatsword Kelmar in battle. It is he that gave me this power not just me but my ancestors before me passed on through the ages.

His commands are simple: Be strong, but do not use your strength for wanton destruction. Be brave and scorn cowardice in any form. Prove your might in battle to win glory and renown. It is he that bestowed upon us that gift of rage. Anger was all I ever knew and I couldn’t help it. When anger overtakes me, a crimson haze fills my vision, and the rage I hold tightly within me breaks free of my control. My people call me a berserker, and among them I am both honored and feared. Until my light came to me and I let go of my rage and anger. My people laughed and shunned me.  I left content to be with my light.

Next thing I noticed I had entered the woods without realizing it and the moons were rising and the shadows forming. I pull out my amulet and its soft white light begins to guide me through the woods. Into a clearing I went. A fog began to form and visions of a battle a lone figure standing in the mist, shrouded in black the only thing you could see was his gleaming red eyes. He stood there, staring down his opponent. Sky shone in a bloody red color, turning all across the battlefield a rustic red color. My rage returning from the depts. Quicker than any normal person could see, we dashed at one another, the crow unknowingly giving us the signal to begin. Our blades clashed together harshly, sending sparks flying from the force of their blows.  Each fighter seeking to overpower the other.  Seeing that my opponent would not be swayed so easily, I leapt back and threw one of my concealed daggers at my opponent, seeking to end the battle quickly. However, my opponent saw this attack coming, and with quick reflexes leapt out of the way.

I charged with a mighty fury and with a large swing of my sword shattering the ground where he had stood, sending shards of rock flying throughout the air. I tore my sword from the ground, and turned to face my opponent. As I turned, my opponent saw an opening and threw his own blade at me. I didn’t have time to react before the sword whizzed by my head, missing me by fractions of an inch, and embedded itself into the ground.

After recovering from my shock, I grinned, my vision that familiar red haze.

“Give up yet, foolish one?” He asked in a teasing tone.

“Never!” With a bellow of rage at the taunting of his foe, I rushed my rival.  Just before I hit him, though, I swung my sword into the ground and used it to vault over my enemy. Before he could turn around, or attempt to dodge, I smashed my elbow into his back, then grabbed his arm and threw him over my shoulder, sending the being, into the dirt, onto his back.

The being sprung back up and began to swing wildly at me. The being was becoming frustrated that I kept  evading him, and even more frustrated as the being constantly ducked, dodged, and step-sided my attacks by a bare sliver. This frustration became fuel for my power, and soon my attacks came faster and with more power, till the being had extreme hardships trying to dodge my attacks. We kept this dance of death up for hours, till the moons were low into the western skies.

By this time, the battlefield was covered with proof of our fight, boulders cracked and shattered, the pieces scattered in all directions. There were scars in the ground from wayward blows, and yet they still continued to fight. I could not touch this being with my sword, and I couldn’t risk stop dodging long enough to attack. That is, until I noticed a gap in his defenses. He always lifted his sword high before every third strike. Taking a chance, I ducked under his sword as he swung it down, hard, and grabbed his arm when he lifted up to strike another attack. Before he could counter, I twisted his arm, causing his sword to fly out of his hands, and imbed itself into a boulder.

As soon as he saw this, he tried to grab me by the shoulders I swung the being with my might vaulting him in the opposite direction smashing him against a bolder.

Standing up shakily, the man got to his feet.

I did not waste any time I charge severing his head from his body. With a sickening thud the being was dead. Then I collapsed into complete darkness…

Dreams, a continuation of an adventure

Ever since I was a little, I have had an active dream life. Vivid dreaming has always been with me. I still remember a few dreams from when I was young. one dream I remember is I was the only one around except for my grandfather he was there but in a trench and he keeps telling me to run and get out of there but I would not abandon him I kept trying to figure out how to get him out. I also clearly remember a vivid dream about hanging off the edge of the world. people standing above looking at me laughing and not attempting to help me. one boy would tell me to just let go, I would never be able to climb up, never make anything of myself and to just end it all for my sake and everyone else.

A lot of people I know hardly ever remember their dreams, but most every night I am lost in the world of my dreams. I never feel rested and wonder if it is because of my double life involving these dreams. Sometimes I have had something happen in a dream and will hit me with a déjà vu feeling and all the images from my dream come rushing back. My dreams can seem so real sometimes. In the past, I spent a lot of time daydreaming. It was as if I was constantly shooting a movie in my head. Maybe there is a connection between my vivid imagination and my dreaming.  I was thinking about one of my dreams the other day and one thing that really struck me was the incredible details that are involved. In my dreams, I visit places that I have never been and it is interesting to me how my mind comes up with these places. I may find myself in a house that in no way resembles a house, but the layout is so specific. I also get a lot of fantasy elements bleed into my dreams as well.

I have wondered if I spent less time in the world of dreams, if I would actually feel well rested. At the same time I also find some sense of comfort in my dreams. It is an escape from everyday reality and sometimes that can be a good thing. Sometimes I have such nice and interesting dreams that stay with me all day, but other times the dream causes me distress because of the negative emotions involved.

last night I had another dream. I was on a lake, a crystal-clear placid lake. There wasn’t even a single ripple on the surface. When I said I was on it I didn’t mean in a boat no I was standing on the water, I wasn’t alone I was there with someone I didn’t recognize who she was, but in my dream I was angry with them and I started looking around. notice smoke rising in a clearing of the forest. I look back at this other person they had grabbed my had and were crying at this point. I still wasn’t listening to her still angry with her she tried to get me to go with her, but I just waved her away. I turned a tear down my cheek, it was a sense of regret, for leaving her however I was still angry.  I grasped my amulet and leaped towards this clearing in the forest as I landed I could tell it was a village being destroyed by a man controlling what appeared to be a golem made of wood.

the man with a grin on his face the wide as a canyon as he watch his creation destroy this village. he saw me and all of a sudden a flash of fear upon his face; his smile gone. he commands his golem to attack me. then all of a sudden I feel the rage just over come me I release my sword from its scabbard and charge the golem. as I’m charging my sword releases a blue flame, I leap I chant a spell I know not the words I said, but with all my might I cleave this massive golem in half. as I land it bust into the same blue flame my sword gives off. the man now with such a look of horror and disbelief is now within arm’s length on me he falls too his knees, and begging for me to spare his life. I look down at him, and I am still so full of this rage. I ask him where will I find the “storms of the shadows, the ones that gave you this power!” he looked at me and said they cannot be found. then I asked him what this village did to deserve the fate he so dared to bring upon them. he told me that before he was blessed with such powers that this town’s people refused to help him in his time of need when his family was taken from him when he was thrown to the streets and forced to beg during the last great war. then someone in the back yelled out why should we have helped someone who refused to share his crops in the time of need during the winters. he looked at me why should I have shared when they could not pay! I took the end of my hit and pressed it against his forehead and said, you deserve less than what I am about to give you. you deserve death but that punishment is to easy for you. upon your head I place this mark you shall not eat, you shall not drink, you shall not die, and you shall not sleep until you have felt the pain you have brought upon these lands 10 fold.  I left him there and walked to a hill. sheathed my sword and the rage inside me began to subside.

I remove my amulet and held it up and it begins to shine and it starts to emit light in the direction I was facing. I notice the village people coming up to speak with me I turn to then raise my hand and say “I did not do this to save you. your village means nothing to me and from what it sounds like this tragedy is just as much as your fault as his. learn from your mistakes.” then I started off in to the forest and that was it I woke up to my alarm.

it was much like a continuation of one of my previous dreams, and writing this down is starting to make my blood boil I want to write another story about characters I have created.  another adventure!

Are you in a funk? … why yes I am.

I woke up in a funk today and I am very unsure of the motive behind that funk.  I guess you could say my mood is depressy (yes I just made up a word for my mood, get over it) I slept hard last night didn’t even hear the thunder last night. normally the sound of the first clack I’m up and alert I hate thunderstorms. However not last night I was having a very vivid dream there were storms in my dream.

I was with someone, and I knew them. we were together, but no one wanted us together people from our past and people from our present were haunting us and trying to pull us apart. trying to rip us away. this whole time I could never understand why some many disapproved. was it their jealously, their hatred, or was it some kind of force driving them mad! It was a bitter fight the entire time, but we prevailed trial after trial. then darkness arose; storms and shadows begin to emerge and unpleasant feelings came over me.   you know that feeling you get that sends chills down your spine, those feelings.  as the darkness came my vision grew faint voices were heard, but not understood. next thing I know I’m alone, the shadows retreat my sunshine; my light was taken from me! as my vision comes into focus the normal setting is coming back, but one element missing my anchor, the one that gives me ground. all that remained was an amulet their favorite amulet(you can tell my passion for fantasy leaks into my dreams) I grab it and it begins to glow pointing in a direction. it was showing me my path, this path would lead me to them. it’s all I can see now the path in front of me I take my sword (again passion for fantasy) from the mantle from where it hung and set out to find my light; my anchor so that I can be whole again.

it was a dream of dreams; normally I do not remember them being as vivid but these last two dreams. I cannot forget. I am thinking this is why I am in a funk today this dream was not a happy dream at the end, and I awoke with anger in my thoughts . it was just a dream I keep telling myself that yet I cannot bring myself to forget it. a lot of people can brush off their dreams I am a person who loves his dreams. and it could be that is just the artist in me. I gain insight for my artwork that I post over at deviantART from my dreams. I also believe dreams can also bring us warnings or foresight about our lives.  I’m not saying we are able to predict the future with our dreams, but through our dreams our subconscious can show us things about what’s currently going on.  I whole heartedly believe that this dream is my mind is trying to tell me something but for the life of me I cannot figure it out, oh well I will just continue to go on with the way things are.

thoughts of dreams and memories

My memories lay printed on sheets of paper,
Stored in the drawer of my mind.

As the years go by and time fades away,
and the ink dissipates.

a foreign gust of wind comes,
Each day getting stronger.

Closer and closer,
stronger and stronger,

Until that very last moment,
the wind turns.

My memories scatter…
lost in the oceans of dreams


I sat down to day trying to remember something and for the life of me i couldn’t remember what it was, lately it seems that i dont remember much. a lot i know has to do with me not wanting to remember my child hood is very patchy and a lot about my childhood i dont want too either. I have been in a writing mood for several days and many of you know of a project ive been furiously working trying to get it finished. My fear is that if id didnt finish it it would disappear much like all my other project i try to start and this last project was important to me. those reasons are my own and not to be shared. i was inspired by a dream that dream had elements in that told me to do this … this dream was just awesome and a blessing from a really bad incident that will remain unspoken of. it put me on a high i had energy ive been smiling everyday and and i used that energy in a project that now lays dormant until i decide whether i want to share it. at this time i dont feel the need to share it with everyone it bring enough joy to me knowing i completed it and thats all i need at this time.

that line…

They ask me what’s wrong
I say I’m OK
I don’t want them to worry
Tomorrow is another day

The demons I’m trying to fight,
Just refused to let me survive,
They dont really see,
What goes on underneath

The same old reasons never heal;
I’m not sure they’re real.
I want to feel better,
But I just can’t seem to cross this line…


Always seems to happen when
Sleep is most needed.


fragment your fiction
art is a part of heartbeats
just stop wasting words


i love being used,
let down, ignored and laughed at.
it builds character.

im still here

i know i havnt been blogging that much and my 365 photos died the day i lost my job … so what have i been up too you might ask. well a whole lot of nothing …. i wish i could say i was doing more but the job market is stale … and im thinking i may need to relocate if i havnt found anything by the end of this month thats whats going to happen ill be gathering my stuff and leaving everything behind and starting over.

but i wrote a poem last night i shared it on facebook and then realized there are alot of ppl who read my blog [prolly not so much now ;)] but for those not having access to my facebook profile here is …

Leap and the net will appear

Wasting time, hanging out;
You hit the ground with every force,
it makes no sense or sound,

I’m on my way now,
I’ll get there somehow..
I will live, then I will die

All this work I’ve done lately
Think its high time
For me to go and get wasted

I’ve promised myself
But with the week I’ve just had
This shit is just what I need

Stuck in a moment
I can’t stand not knowing.
Why am I here?

Every word I write,
I can’t help losing myself
looking for ways to forget

I don’t wanna wake before
The dream is over
And timing’s everything

the dreamer is the real me
wanting to Listen to my voice
Leap and the net will appear


bored and alone

tonight was a rather boring night… jsut came home got dinner sat down caught up on some tv shows ive missed. then decided to troll the interwebs..

so i went and got me a beer ( ok its not actully beer since i cant drink beer since im allergic) its woodchuck draft cider http://www.woodchuck.com/ its a hard cider and i like it.  so i sat back down and decided to turn on the Irish drinking songs. jsut sitting back enjoying some good music surfin the web. after abit i noticed even though i had the music on it was quiet really quiet. i get up to see what the kids (my dogs) were doing they were crashed out on the couch … a funny sight to see.

went back to my office then i realized mom nor dad had called for a few days so i give them a call and they dont answer .. they dont seem to return my calls these days either. i remember when i first went off to college 7 years ago … mom had to call like once ever 12 hours now its me calling just to make sure they are still alive!

my cellphone doesnt ring much anymore wasnt too long i had friends calling to come over or to hang out but i guess it comes to a time we move on start families start doing our own thing. i still have a few close friends within driving distance and i get to see them from time to time. ive been finding myself trying to keep myself busy to keep my mind off things. it scares me that im actually starting to turn into that hermit that so jokingly said i was going to become.

its sad really i picture my self one of those old guys sitting out on his porch yelling at kids to get off my lawn and in return all the kids be calling me that mean ole’ man on the corner.  may be its the weather .. maybe when its starts to warm up ill be thinking things differently

Things that happen
No ryhme or reason
Leaving sadness to last the season

A trail once hoped for lost without trace
Leaves hearts filled with empty space…
What to look for
What path is now mine?

For how long must I wait, and ponder?
For how many years must I plead
The hourglass drains, the light dims.
The night sky speaks, of matters grim.

There will be a time when the rain does come.
A time when the fire is extinguished.
A moment when the dust will vanish outright.
Under the moon’s shimmering light.

A reflection of pain as deep as the years
I cleanse old wounds in order to heal
The flowing and movement allow me to feel
And slowly breath strength into my faltering voice

On this journey of such sweet sorrow
I do have faith that come tomorrow
I’ll meet my fate with courage and strength

you shouldnt write that…

…what if a future employer sees that?

The Infinite possibilities that each day holds should stagger the mind. the number of experiences i COULD have is astoundingly high. we live trapped in loops. reliving a few days over and over, an only envision a handful of the paths that are laid out in front of us. we see the same thing each and everyday, and respond the same way. we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last, every moment, following the curves of societal norms. we act like if we could just get through day, then tomorrow our dreams will come true, chasing after those dreams is what we strive for.

NO i don’t have all the answers. i can’t see what each moment could become. i do, however, know one thing: the solution doesn’t involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of some day easing my fit into a mold. it doesn’t involve messing with my life to fit into someones expectations. it doesn’t involve constantly holding back for the fear of shaking things up.

i want to make this as clear and simple as i can.