im still here

i know i havnt been blogging that much and my 365 photos died the day i lost my job … so what have i been up too you might ask. well a whole lot of nothing …. i wish i could say i was doing more but the job market is stale … and im thinking i may need to relocate if i havnt found anything by the end of this month thats whats going to happen ill be gathering my stuff and leaving everything behind and starting over.

but i wrote a poem last night i shared it on facebook and then realized there are alot of ppl who read my blog [prolly not so much now ;)] but for those not having access to my facebook profile here is …

Leap and the net will appear

Wasting time, hanging out;
You hit the ground with every force,
it makes no sense or sound,

I’m on my way now,
I’ll get there somehow..
I will live, then I will die

All this work I’ve done lately
Think its high time
For me to go and get wasted

I’ve promised myself
But with the week I’ve just had
This shit is just what I need

Stuck in a moment
I can’t stand not knowing.
Why am I here?

Every word I write,
I can’t help losing myself
looking for ways to forget

I don’t wanna wake before
The dream is over
And timing’s everything

the dreamer is the real me
wanting to Listen to my voice
Leap and the net will appear

fallin2-final

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bored and alone

tonight was a rather boring night… jsut came home got dinner sat down caught up on some tv shows ive missed. then decided to troll the interwebs..

so i went and got me a beer ( ok its not actully beer since i cant drink beer since im allergic) its woodchuck draft cider http://www.woodchuck.com/ its a hard cider and i like it.  so i sat back down and decided to turn on the Irish drinking songs. jsut sitting back enjoying some good music surfin the web. after abit i noticed even though i had the music on it was quiet really quiet. i get up to see what the kids (my dogs) were doing they were crashed out on the couch … a funny sight to see.

went back to my office then i realized mom nor dad had called for a few days so i give them a call and they dont answer .. they dont seem to return my calls these days either. i remember when i first went off to college 7 years ago … mom had to call like once ever 12 hours now its me calling just to make sure they are still alive!

my cellphone doesnt ring much anymore wasnt too long i had friends calling to come over or to hang out but i guess it comes to a time we move on start families start doing our own thing. i still have a few close friends within driving distance and i get to see them from time to time. ive been finding myself trying to keep myself busy to keep my mind off things. it scares me that im actually starting to turn into that hermit that so jokingly said i was going to become.

its sad really i picture my self one of those old guys sitting out on his porch yelling at kids to get off my lawn and in return all the kids be calling me that mean ole’ man on the corner.  may be its the weather .. maybe when its starts to warm up ill be thinking things differently

Things that happen
No ryhme or reason
Leaving sadness to last the season

A trail once hoped for lost without trace
Leaves hearts filled with empty space…
What to look for
What path is now mine?

For how long must I wait, and ponder?
For how many years must I plead
The hourglass drains, the light dims.
The night sky speaks, of matters grim.

There will be a time when the rain does come.
A time when the fire is extinguished.
A moment when the dust will vanish outright.
Under the moon’s shimmering light.

A reflection of pain as deep as the years
I cleanse old wounds in order to heal
The flowing and movement allow me to feel
And slowly breath strength into my faltering voice

On this journey of such sweet sorrow
I do have faith that come tomorrow
I’ll meet my fate with courage and strength

you shouldnt write that…

…what if a future employer sees that?

The Infinite possibilities that each day holds should stagger the mind. the number of experiences i COULD have is astoundingly high. we live trapped in loops. reliving a few days over and over, an only envision a handful of the paths that are laid out in front of us. we see the same thing each and everyday, and respond the same way. we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last, every moment, following the curves of societal norms. we act like if we could just get through day, then tomorrow our dreams will come true, chasing after those dreams is what we strive for.

NO i don’t have all the answers. i can’t see what each moment could become. i do, however, know one thing: the solution doesn’t involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of some day easing my fit into a mold. it doesn’t involve messing with my life to fit into someones expectations. it doesn’t involve constantly holding back for the fear of shaking things up.

i want to make this as clear and simple as i can.

I WILL NOT HOLD MY TONGUE I WILL SAY AND WRITE WHAT I WANT, REGARDLESS WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OR SAY.

Place….

A special place
I like to visit.
So peaceful,
the setting is perfect to meditate,
and reflect on your life.

The wind,
blowing through the trees,
stirring up the water gently.
Makes the day chilly,
till the sun shines down its warmth.

Surrounded by the one you love,
no need for words.
Just enjoy this time together.

A place so perfect,
you want to cry at its beauty.
How can this still exist,
in a world like this?
How could I be so lucky,
to find this place?

a portal ….a way of passage..

Your voice is unique

There is no one else who has your voice.

There is a difference between your voice and your speaking style

Use your voice to open doors

break the silence

We all have a voice

inform, persuade, and connect with other people

voices that speak those words

simply sound and rhythm

The world is full of words

Words are used for communication

a fingerprint of yourself

One of your most powerful tools

Your unique blend of description, character and style

The way you intone words, the speed you speak, the inflections you use are all part of a unique aural fingerprint that identifies you as an individual. Even though you may be saying to yourself that you hate the way you sound, I am fascinated by the variety and expressive capacity of the human voice.

I don’t want famous voices. I want voices of normal people like myself, my friends and my family. I want voices who don’t know me and voices I do not know.

to the one who captures my heart

I have never felt this way,
With any other girl before.
The feelings are phenomenal,
To hard to define their meaning.

The feelings that I have inside,
When you look me in the eyes,
And call me baby with a smile.
If only you could see yourself,
The way I see you, you’d know
Why my feelings are so deep,
Why they continue to grow.

When I look into your eyes,
I know what you say is true.
The feelings that you have for me,
May not be as great as
The ones I hold for you.

I can only hope one day,
I can treat you half as
good as you treat me.
Your name is like a star
Shimmering in the night sky.
Your face is like the brilliance
Of the moon on a dark evening.

You are my ray of hope,
My little light of life,
In my own Pandora’s box.
I am here for you now and
Will be here til the end of time.
I won’t let you go, til you
Relinquish me and my love.