this week has been a great week, simply for the fact that I have felt better that I have in a very long time. for the first time I can say I love my job, I love what I am doing. I have not been overly stress about anything. I have been writing more I have actually been working on my art more as well though none of it is complete enough to share.  I have found a muse someone that has inspired me and when I think about them I just want to keep moving forward they are a great friend to me and if you are reading this thank you! you may not think of if the same way I do, but I am glad to have you around!

the fact that lately I have been in a very foul mood and somewhat depress about everything. Being in this good mood and high spirits has been great and I hope it decides to stick around longer. my dreams have normalized (kind of) I am not running for my life. they are still weird, but they have returned in beauty in their settings.

You might have noticed the lack of minecraft post well I’m taking a break from minecraft and started playing Star Wars the Old Republic , it is a lot of fun and playing a sith character has been fun. I don’t have to be Mr. nice guy and I can run around causing havoc and no one thinks twice about it. plus the dark side has cookies ..

I have also started playing Skyrim again. I had forgotten how much fun that game was, slaying dragons and trying not to take an arrow to the knee which apparently if you are a city guard that is a prerequisite. I am sure it is probably on the application. the other night playing I stumbled upon another dragon I was like alright let’s do this as I got closer those something felt wrong next thing I know there was a dragon priest, which is apparently equipped with the fire staff of “f*ck your shit up” because after 4 hits from his damn fireball I was dead … after reloading I decided to stay away from that mountain. decided to do another dungeon while in this dungeon I was attacked by a damn vampire and got vampirism or Sanguinare Vampiris  as they call it didn’t realize it until after a few more days that’s when something wasn’t right …  I was getting  a message saying “You feel strangely weakened by the sunrise“. At sunset,  “You feel a strange thirst come over you” well crap I thought … after Google searches I found out I was an eff’n vampire and I also found out I could cure it! so I spent a good couple of hours getting my cure … I also learned that you can only get Sanguinare Vampiris from their ranged attacks so now when I come across a vampire i rush it and go melee on its ass.

so be prepared to read more about my Skyrim adventures I’m sure they will be hilarious.

In dreams, we enter a world that’s entirely our own.

We’ve all woken up from weird dreams and wondered what they mean. In one part of my dream I was driving and my car ran off the road and kept going and going and I said to myself, “Oh well, if you can’t stop it just relax and go with it.” And that’s what I did. And the car came to a stop and I got out and started admiring the beautiful view. then I noticed someone I wanted to talk to but she started to run away and I followed in chase.  then I was at a house, but it looked different as with most dreams. It looked more like ruins right in the middle of a thick forest, and instead of low fences, the area was surrounded by high stone walls. I stood in the center of the house, and in front of me was a vast overgrown garden, with crawling plants covering most of the stone walls. I turned and realized that there was a ladder right next to me that led to a dark and creepy basement, and then I was told by the woman I was chasing in the dream that no one went down to the basement because there was a crocodile who is always hungry and would attack anyone or anything alive that came near it.

To escape the area I climbed over the walls using the vines that grew along it as I jumped to the ground on the other side There are wheat fields all around… just field after field as far as the eye can see… much like the scene at the end of gladiator. I’m there with this female I had been chasing and I couldn’t put my finger on it as to who she was this entire dream I kept thinking to myself “I know her what is her name” .. we started walking together and we came to a house. we started  walking right into this house and go up the stairs. Inside there’s a skittish guy who’s seen or done something that has greatly distressed him, and seeing us freaks him out even more. He can’t figure out what to do with us and he’s mostly just bouncing around the room trying to figure out what to do. I walk up to him and knock him out and that was that we walked back out into the fields. This girl I’m with starts talking to me about the wheat fields, and at this point I interject “so this is the part where you tie this allegory together and try to make sense of this movie?” and she laughs and concedes that’s where she was going. I walk with her some more then she stops I continue and look back and ask why she isn’t coming. she just smiles at me and waves. I tell her “I will come back” , but she tells me that she won’t be there. She then vanishes and I’m standing alone the world changed yet again to an unknown world.  I turn take an arrow to the knee, at this point I yell “damn it skyrim! f*ck your arrows”

I wake up with a cramp in my leg …

As life goes on you are subjected to many different influences. Sometimes you take a wrong turn or end up on the wrong path which causes you to lose track of who you are. There are way too many people in this world who want to take advantage of you or use you for their own gains. People will lie to you, trick you and abuse your honesty if you let them. It’s of course crazy to be paranoid that everyone is out to get you but it’s always good to be cautious of the intentions of others. Simple things like having a roof over your head, the freedom to travel or walk around your city without being shot or arrested, food on the table, loving friends and family etc. are what you should be grateful for every day. When things get difficult I like to see them as a test of some sort. It may be a test of patience, a test of belief or faith or a test of determination. This allows you to rationalize the difficulties you’re facing so that you can stop worry and focus all your energy on getting through the test as best you can. If you believe in something, don’t let others talk you out of it. Avoid negative people and nay-sayers but if you have to, stand up for what you believe in. Be prepared to fight for it.

Always remember who you are and where you came from. If your current life path is putting you in situations that you’re not happy with, make drastic changes and get back to the person who you are.

It doesn’t happen very often that i get to make someones day, and the fact that i made them smile means the world to me. when we smile it brightens the day not only for yourself but for everyone around you. now-a-days you don’t get the helping hand from strangers much anymore because society has made people a wreck and chaotic.

i guess you could say i am a rarity these days. yeah it may cost me some change but if i can make you smile well that’s enough for me. a simple gift with a simple note is all it takes and with technology you can be miles apart to make that gift happen. showing some one that they mean enough to you to do something to brighten their day and not expect anything in return …

I was asked this question: “why do you pride yourself on being a Nerd or Geek? it stands you out of the crowd.”

unfortunately the being answered their own question .. but I went further. “to stand out!” I said. I don’t want to be a part of a crowd that doesn’t understand me for who I am. just because I’m not part of your crowd and you as a person can not accept me as a person I don’t want to be in your crowd .. It isn’t that other people are necessarily dumb, and that I am smarter than them. it is that they don’t have the tendency to apply their minds to tasks presented to them. So, on the contrary, I feel as though being a nerd/geek is the highest honor one can receive. No king, or prince, or one of power can replace the feeling of knowledge stored in one’s brain.  I love being a nerd because I know I am going somewhere in life. I have a plan and a future ahead, with goals and opportunities resting at every corner I turn, and no amount of anything will take that away from me. The more information I store in my head, and the more I extensively use said knowledge to complete my goals that is why I am proud to be who I am.

Another kicker is the notion that nerds talk about nothing but nerd-related topics. If I did that, I would never get a date in my life — that chip gets turned off the moment I pull out the chair at the restaurant. We do have a standard life, you know? It’s a matter of interests over someone’s life, and yes, some take it to that extreme level. I am not one of them nor do I belittle them for doing it. i watch/collect anime, read fantasy novels, work on computers, game both tabletop and video, and as a 28 year old I still get excited about new lego sets. I AM GEEK!