Month: July 2012

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A revelation, was needed…

in my last post i had this to leave you guys with:

 when people come along and say God doesn’t want you to be alone… well why won’t he answer my prayers? my faith has been rocked several times and it’s just hard to have faith in times like I’m having now . if I am meant to be happy why is it i can not be happy?

over this last weekend I decided to do some searching, a task to look into what im missing and it required me to go into my past and examine where it started to go wrong. and i needed some help. so I started searching the interwebs for something that might catch my attention and i came across this video on youtube…

now this video has two important things to note.

1. I found out an old childhood friend of mine has become a pastor and it lit a smile on my face to see this.

2. his message really hit home. go to his site if you want to read the whole message.

now I very rarely talk about my religious views especially on the internet where its full of people just itching to troll sites.

the warning is here… this post is not about whether I believe or not nor is it about whether I think im right and everyone else is wrong. I am not questioning anyone else’s faith or lack there of. If you believe in God and truly believe you know he gave us the free will to make our choices and if you don’t believe in God you still believe you are able to make your own choices.

I have always believed in God, that has never changed, however I have not really lived a very christian lifestyle. I am slowly working my self into a better person. and this last weekend was a light bulb moment. In Jeremiah’s message he said:

He is not a god who is aloof and distant somewhere in the clouds…

  • He is the God who promised to never leave them, nor forsake them, Heb. 13:5
  • The God who is even right now in their midst
  • The God who is searching their hearts, Rev. 2:23
I have forgotten over time I am not alone. God is right here with me and I forgot his promise. I sit here even on the verge of tears kicking myself how could I forget this. I have been trying to do everything I have been trying alone, but at the same time I was not alone.  now I know Rev. chapters 2 and 3 are a series of letters to the churches, with the intent of examining them but they can also be seen as it was with me an examination of my own life. an unveiling of the past and right now.
Honesty often hurts.  Whether it’s being honest about yourself to somebody else…or being honest to somebody else about them.  It’s hard to be “humblyhonest” to others regarding things we see in their life that might need improvement, and so most of the time, we choose the road with least resistance and keep our mouths shut.
 again this hit hard when I heard it. I was not being honest with myself, always being angry at God and always blaming him for why I was being put through all this turmoil all this bad karma. this while I was looking back was all my fault looking back at the decisions I made put me on my path I started.  and it was a path of my own design with nothing else but tunnel vision something I hate seeing because I see other people with tunnel vision and it makes me angry to seen them all being closed-minded while my self I have been so closed-minded to the one opinion everyone that believes should listen to …. God’s Opinion.

1. “I know“

  • I know your works…(2:2, 9, 13, 19) His eyes of fire see what you do for Him that nobody else sees.
  • Where you live         (13)                 (tough neighborhood, family life, roommate…)
  • What you are going through (9)
  • What you are about to go through, (10) and I know how it all ends

2. And He says, “I will give to each one of you according to your works” (vs. 23)“I WILL GIVE”  (vs. 7, 10, 17, 23, 28)

  • Promise to the churches and to each of us as individuals (each one of you)…
  • When you live for Christ, He promises over and over in His Word to bless you
    • Hebrews 11:6, “…He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him…”
    • Doesn’t necessarily mean physical blessings
    • Sometimes He blesses you with an overwhelming sense of peace // or joy // contentment
sense of peace, joy, or contentment. three words that I have not know for a very long time because I have been so focused on what I thought I needed and so angry I didn’t have it. I lay blame. “if you truly loved me why haven’t you given this to me why do I not have that!?” something I am all to familiar with. after sitting down and listening to several sermons preacher knoop gave I realized what I have been missing it’s not that I stopped believing it is just I decided that I would just ignore God and his words. A big light bulb came on as I came to this revelation and I am hoping I can begin a new path back to my path with God. I know my life wont change instantly in one day, but it is a start in the correct direction.
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not always a choice

Sometimes people that don’t want to be alone and did not do anything to end up alone end up that way. I fully believe that I am cursed.

i always say i don’t like to be around people i don’t know, its true i hate being in area with a large amount of people that i don’t know. if i am with someone i can handle it a lot easier. i don’t go out and party, a lot of people state that is my problem. i just don’t like going out and getting drunk. also i live in a smaller town that really doesn’t have much to offer in opportunities to go out and do things. i love reading books playing video games, but i miss having that hang out i did back in college i could go and just relax and see all my friends and be happy. i am not a fan of larger cities i am an oldskool small town dude. However i’m also use to being close to family and friends i could always count on. i have been on my own for quite some time now and i have never been in one place for very long.

no matter where i’ve been something always happens that causes either me to move or start a new path and i just get further and further away from people i know. i get depressed and you get to read a blog post about it. this is my daily routine…

get up, get dressed, walk the dogs, go to work, come home, walk dogs, play a video game maybe, go to bed; and repeat.

and life is kind of stressful and sometime is wish i had someone to talk to at the end of the day. when people come along and say God doesn’t want you to be alone… well why won’t he answer my prayers? my faith has be rocked several times and its just hard to have faith in times like i’m having now . if i am meant to be happy why is it i can not be happy?