not always a choice

Sometimes people that don’t want to be alone and did not do anything to end up alone end up that way. I fully believe that I am cursed.

i always say i don’t like to be around people i don’t know, its true i hate being in area with a large amount of people that i don’t know. if i am with someone i can handle it a lot easier. i don’t go out and party, a lot of people state that is my problem. i just don’t like going out and getting drunk. also i live in a smaller town that really doesn’t have much to offer in opportunities to go out and do things. i love reading books playing video games, but i miss having that hang out i did back in college i could go and just relax and see all my friends and be happy. i am not a fan of larger cities i am an oldskool small town dude. However i’m also use to being close to family and friends i could always count on. i have been on my own for quite some time now and i have never been in one place for very long.

no matter where i’ve been something always happens that causes either me to move or start a new path and i just get further and further away from people i know. i get depressed and you get to read a blog post about it. this is my daily routine…

get up, get dressed, walk the dogs, go to work, come home, walk dogs, play a video game maybe, go to bed; and repeat.

and life is kind of stressful and sometime is wish i had someone to talk to at the end of the day. when people come along and say God doesn’t want you to be alone… well why won’t he answer my prayers? my faith has be rocked several times and its just hard to have faith in times like i’m having now . if i am meant to be happy why is it i can not be happy?

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