Alone..

I every once in a while, feel like I’m not in my body, but watching it. I might be having a conversation, but that’s not actually me, not my consciousness. my consciousness, stuck in my brain racking over a conversation I had a week ago, a month ago, at some point in my life. searching for a hidden meaning, thinking of a better comeback, analyzing why I said what I said.

Hopefully this is making some semblance of sense, I get the feeling sometimes that the English language simply doesn’t contain the words to explain some things.

This experience leads to an overwhelming feeling of loneliness.

This usually happens at periods of high stress in my life and I will be stuck in this vision for days on end just racking over numbers, events, conversations I had weeks ago, and other things from my memories that I have long forgotten. its like my brain decided to sift through its data and comes to a crawl because nothing ever makes sense of it at all.

Even sitting here trying to write this it becomes hard to concentrate because my mind tends to go on a tangent I find myself wandering back into that world that sits just out side of reality. sometimes (more like once in a blue moon) these feelings I have lead to some kind of inspiration for my art or writings. Most of the time they do not, but aide to my insomnia. thoughts race through my mind at a blink of an eye. sometimes they are clear others are blurred like a speeding train. this sense of restlessness is what keeps me awake trying to figure out: why am I thinking about this, why did I do that, why cant I solve this puzzle…. it infuriates me because I cant make sense of it.

after awhile everything goes dark and it passes but the time frame to getting to this darkness varies it can be mere seconds to days ill be stuck in this trance. I am sure I’m not the only one that experiences this but sometimes it feels like I am and no one to talk too…

best weekend ever

Bikini Buck-off

click to view the album. it was a fun weekend.

i flew out to Kansas City to visit my friend Katrina she was participating in a contest called the Bikini Buck-off it was a fun contest to watch and she won to make it even better. in this contest they had to some how be sexy while riding the mechanical bull it was fun. (sorry gals if my weekend adventure offends you but im sorry i dont care i was having fun!)

new monitor…

I forgot i did get a new LCD monitor for my computer and i love it …

pictures here is my old dual monitor setup one 17″ LCD coupled with a 19″ CRT

and here is my new display! 22″ wide screen goodness!

a lot more space on my desk! which at the moment is a table ……..

Latest work…

im also working on and older one i drew a long time ago but this one was an attempt to get less detailed and more subtle i still suck at eyes… if you want the full blown quality version download the photo from picasa … or email me ill send you a copy

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memories

just deleting files and emails and editing stuff. man i didn’t realize how much stuff i keep and won’t let go.

like this photo for example….

why do i even still have this photo …i havnt worn a leather jacket in years and my hair has never been that blonde or that long! in years.

or these makes me wish i was still on the air..

the wine and cheese parties

Sunday bowling

just some memories that have been tucked away on my hard drive …

A change in Biebs’ World

Over the last year i have had been having problems with my host. that finally led to be being locked completely out of my account save for my ftp and WordPress software. I can not recommend HostRockets web hosting service; I also can’t tell you to not to try them out. I’ve just had a bad experience with them. For now I have moved everything back to wordpress.com and forwarded my address to my account at wordpress.com. its just cheaper in the long run to pay for the custom CSS and the domain forwarding than to buy hosting right now.

My home server died which i was in the middle of setting up my own hosting there, but i cant until i am able to fix the poor thing. So until i get it fixed Biebs’ world will reside here.

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Place….

A special place
I like to visit.
So peaceful,
the setting is perfect to meditate,
and reflect on your life.

The wind,
blowing through the trees,
stirring up the water gently.
Makes the day chilly,
till the sun shines down its warmth.

Surrounded by the one you love,
no need for words.
Just enjoy this time together.

A place so perfect,
you want to cry at its beauty.
How can this still exist,
in a world like this?
How could I be so lucky,
to find this place?