Are you in a funk? … why yes I am.

I woke up in a funk today and I am very unsure of the motive behind that funk.  I guess you could say my mood is depressy (yes I just made up a word for my mood, get over it) I slept hard last night didn’t even hear the thunder last night. normally the sound of the first clack I’m up and alert I hate thunderstorms. However not last night I was having a very vivid dream there were storms in my dream.

I was with someone, and I knew them. we were together, but no one wanted us together people from our past and people from our present were haunting us and trying to pull us apart. trying to rip us away. this whole time I could never understand why some many disapproved. was it their jealously, their hatred, or was it some kind of force driving them mad! It was a bitter fight the entire time, but we prevailed trial after trial. then darkness arose; storms and shadows begin to emerge and unpleasant feelings came over me.   you know that feeling you get that sends chills down your spine, those feelings.  as the darkness came my vision grew faint voices were heard, but not understood. next thing I know I’m alone, the shadows retreat my sunshine; my light was taken from me! as my vision comes into focus the normal setting is coming back, but one element missing my anchor, the one that gives me ground. all that remained was an amulet their favorite amulet(you can tell my passion for fantasy leaks into my dreams) I grab it and it begins to glow pointing in a direction. it was showing me my path, this path would lead me to them. it’s all I can see now the path in front of me I take my sword (again passion for fantasy) from the mantle from where it hung and set out to find my light; my anchor so that I can be whole again.

it was a dream of dreams; normally I do not remember them being as vivid but these last two dreams. I cannot forget. I am thinking this is why I am in a funk today this dream was not a happy dream at the end, and I awoke with anger in my thoughts . it was just a dream I keep telling myself that yet I cannot bring myself to forget it. a lot of people can brush off their dreams I am a person who loves his dreams. and it could be that is just the artist in me. I gain insight for my artwork that I post over at deviantART from my dreams. I also believe dreams can also bring us warnings or foresight about our lives.  I’m not saying we are able to predict the future with our dreams, but through our dreams our subconscious can show us things about what’s currently going on.  I whole heartedly believe that this dream is my mind is trying to tell me something but for the life of me I cannot figure it out, oh well I will just continue to go on with the way things are.

life and living it

“What are you planning for the rest of your life?”

it’s an odd question to think about. life is only surviving; living is more than that. To me living implies following your heart and also has a sense of the unexpected, the things that happen and you would have never imagined they would. That’s living, truly. I have only recently began thinking this way. as I look back to my past and look over everything I have done and one thing I have noticed is that I have simply just been surviving only worrying about those around me and never thinking about how I should live. some recent events have taken place that has opened my eyes. I’m tired of just surviving I’m tired of just being depressed.

I have found someone that inspires me. and I hope to never lose that someone. I have been writing again and I have been enjoying it and I can’t wait to write more! it makes me happy even if only a handful of people read what I’m writing and if it can in some way help them escape the drones of everyday life mission accomplished.

As a child, I just assumed everyone was the same. Growing up I was put in a circle that made me different from everyone else I grew angry and hateful to these others and that’s all I could ever think of. today I look back and laugh at it because I am who I am because I was able to overcome that. now I’m not saying that it doesn’t still hurt knowing I had very little people I could depend on growing up, and to this day I would never ask them to ever apologize to me I don’t need it they were horrible people and I don’t need their approval. it took many many years to accept this truth. I was still just surviving then. you move further on I’m on my own and truly think I’m on my way to happiness and the rest of my life. the problem here though there are people out there that are out to just crush people when they get a chance. this takes a long time to recover from and you will never truly recover from it but you don’t have to let it define you.

as I was continuing to just limp along barely making it along an opportunity comes knocking. normally I just decide to ignore it and let it pass, but this time I did not. I have finally started climbing out of that hole I dug.  no longer am I going to being anyone’s stepping stone nor am I going to let anyone else be my stepping stone! I will take a shoulder to lean on from time to time that is what we real friends are for.  I want to quit only just surviving I want to finally start living and I’m moving forward full steam ahead if you are willing to get out of my way or step up beside me I’m going to leave you behind.

My Skyrim Misadventures … evil spirits

I venture on to Markarth, as I enter the city a citizen goes insane and beats what appears to be a peasant woman to death right there in the streets. I pay no heed to this, Markarth I noticed right off that it didn’t appear to be a good city. Most of the city’s residents tend to be quite unfriendly to outsiders.  At one point as I was exploring the city I saw two skeletons and as a guard stop and looked at me and then looked up and said don’t trip. Apparently this city has had two, TWO people fall to their death from the stair case above. you would think they would install a railing or something. Nope they just let the rotting corpse lie and just tell visitors “don’t trip”

I had decided to just leave I was getting a bad vibe.  As I was walking to the gates A Vigilant of Stendarr asked me if I had seen anyone entering/leaving the house. He believed that it was being used for Daedra worship. I should have said no and kept walking, but no, I who have to help people in need as the arch-mage I must help set an image for the mage’s college so that the people would once again trust them. Upon entering the house, Tyranus comments that it shows no sign of old age, despite the fact that nobody ever enters or leaves. The whole house emanates a strange white fog. Immediately after he stops talking, a noise comes from downstairs. He lead me to a door, then asks me to open it. The door is locked, and triggers dialogue from a mysterious Daedra, who claims that I was stronger than Tyranus, and ordered me to kill him. I refused. Tyranus told me to leave the house first, but the entrance door out is magically sealed! The whole house starts to shake, and items fly about the room. The voice commanded me yet again to kill Tyranus. Tyranus gave in to his panic and attacked me, so I was forced to kill him in self-defense. Once he was dead, the voice congratulated me, and instructed me to descend farther into the house to claim my “reward”. I had no other choice to obey, because the entrance door is still sealed. going deeper and through a hole in the wall into a subterranean tunnel leading to an altar with a rusty mace upon it. the voice demanded that I take the mace, I didn’t want the mace I didn’t want to be here, but I had no choice. as soon as I grabbed the mace this triggered a spike trap, which locked me in place. great I thought I’m going to die The voice reveals that the rusty mace is his Daedric artifact, the Mace of Molag Bal, desecrated and left to rot by a priest of Boethiah. The Daedric prince is very unhappy with the fate of his weapon, and commanded that I lure Logrolf the Willful, a priest of Boethiah who has been desecrating Molag Bal’s altar in Boethiah’s name, to him so he may break his spirit.

Great now I’m a servant of an evil spirit. I was released. I had learned that the Forworn have Logrolf. Now rescuing Logrolf went without incident I went charging in with swords drawn and found Logrolf. YAY I thought about time something happens like it should. However Logrolf refuses to be set freed! He doesn’t believe that I’m here to rescue him. I had to bribe the bastard to get him to leave!  After all that work I had to give him 300 gold pieces just to get him to move. By this time I was no longer upset I was taking this being to meet his doom.

We re-enter the Abandoned House, and Logrolf immediately runs off to the basement. He was trapped in front of the altar like I was, and was bantering briefly with Molag Bal. The Daedric Prince then gave me the rusted mace and commanded me to beat Logrolf into submission with it. so I did I beat the A-hole into submission. then I killed the bastard and took my gold back. now not only am I the Arch-mage, I am now the champion of an evil Daedric prince. Great some warrior mage I am. The people are going to friggin hate me!


hangin with old friends

Saturday I went up to Salina to visit some old friends I had not seen in what seems like ages. was not really looking forward to the drive up there, but it turns out to be a really nice drive once you hit the interstate it is a breeze. It is a much more enjoyable drive than going to Wichita. One drive I am eager to repeat in the near future.

As I made it to Tom and Carver’s place. I phoned carver and he was not there he was out and about with his girls and buying Lamp guts. so I sat out on the steps enjoying the nice weather. I’ve also learned this weekend that Carver has become a local Kingpin, he organizes the theft, I mean the “acquisition” of certain “abandoned” properties through the use of his force powers, apparently when you enter university for a PR degree they teach you the ways of the dark side … how I missed that I will never know!

so we hung out most of the day talking computers and nerd stuff, that’s what we do, we are GEEK!  Also I donated a Motherboard, cpu, and ram to hopefully help Carver get his computer back up and running. it was the guts of my old gaming computer and just sitting around collecting dust. as evening progressed I needed to move on besides Carver had a fancy dinner to go to!

On my way out of town I stopped by one more place Logan’s Roadhouse. Thanks to my shining influence from family guy I had to restrain myself from yelling “ROADHOUSE” and performing a round house kick to the face every 5 mins. A very dear friend of mine just started working there as a waitress, she is an awesome waitress, no matter of what she thinks. You are awesome! I had some fish(I can’t spell the name of the exact fish I had) it was good I was thinking it was going to be a bit spicy, but I forget what is spicy to “normal” people has no real effect on me. It was delicious regardless. I also had some sautéed mushrooms with and some fries gotta have my fries … to end it all off a slice of cheese cake New York style it was good, but my homemade from scratch is better. it filled me up and I walked away full!  I will be back!