life and living it

“What are you planning for the rest of your life?”

it’s an odd question to think about. life is only surviving; living is more than that. To me living implies following your heart and also has a sense of the unexpected, the things that happen and you would have never imagined they would. That’s living, truly. I have only recently began thinking this way. as I look back to my past and look over everything I have done and one thing I have noticed is that I have simply just been surviving only worrying about those around me and never thinking about how I should live. some recent events have taken place that has opened my eyes. I’m tired of just surviving I’m tired of just being depressed.

I have found someone that inspires me. and I hope to never lose that someone. I have been writing again and I have been enjoying it and I can’t wait to write more! it makes me happy even if only a handful of people read what I’m writing and if it can in some way help them escape the drones of everyday life mission accomplished.

As a child, I just assumed everyone was the same. Growing up I was put in a circle that made me different from everyone else I grew angry and hateful to these others and that’s all I could ever think of. today I look back and laugh at it because I am who I am because I was able to overcome that. now I’m not saying that it doesn’t still hurt knowing I had very little people I could depend on growing up, and to this day I would never ask them to ever apologize to me I don’t need it they were horrible people and I don’t need their approval. it took many many years to accept this truth. I was still just surviving then. you move further on I’m on my own and truly think I’m on my way to happiness and the rest of my life. the problem here though there are people out there that are out to just crush people when they get a chance. this takes a long time to recover from and you will never truly recover from it but you don’t have to let it define you.

as I was continuing to just limp along barely making it along an opportunity comes knocking. normally I just decide to ignore it and let it pass, but this time I did not. I have finally started climbing out of that hole I dug.  no longer am I going to being anyone’s stepping stone nor am I going to let anyone else be my stepping stone! I will take a shoulder to lean on from time to time that is what we real friends are for.  I want to quit only just surviving I want to finally start living and I’m moving forward full steam ahead if you are willing to get out of my way or step up beside me I’m going to leave you behind.