why does growing up mean no more fun?

Grow Up… I’ve been told many times to do so. I don’t believe that growing up means you cannot be immature, hyper and crazy sometimes. Growing up doesn’t mean that you have to stop having fun. Growing up just means, taking responsibility, being wiser and more mature, being able to differentiate the time to play and the time to work

I’m in my late 20’s so I’ve experienced the innocence and inquisitiveness of being a toddler, active play and imagination as a child, pushing boundaries and exploring new things as a teenager, and now developing and navigating a sense of self, self-acceptance and self-efficacy as I take what I have learned thus far and experiment creating a life in the real world. When though, did society teach us that we must live in segmented stages of life? Society tells us that if you are now in your ‘adult’ stage of life you better stop acting like a child. I’m sorry, when did ‘society’ decide that eating food with my hands, finding shapes in the clouds and jumping on the bed is not acceptable behaviour for me? I am AWARE that I have been on this planet longer, but I do not feel ‘older’. Why then, should I stop doing the things I loved doing as a child (the things that brought me massive joy by the way) simply because I’m old enough to buy liquor and qualify for a mortgage.

It seems to me that it would make more sense, as we age, to retain all the amazing qualities we’ve developed, and discard the ones that aren’t as amazing. I am a child at heart, and so is everyone else. We have just forgotten what it feels like. Which is so bizarre to me. Adults ‘plan’ fun. Children have fun on impulse. If an idea comes to a kid, they do it. They don’t think about who’s watching, or if what they’re doing is going to create a mess (because if it does, you can clean it up later anyways). They just live fun. They are Joy in action all the time. It seems that we stop doing the fun things because someone in our lives told us that ‘adults’ don’t do that.

We, based on external and internal stimuli, create our perception of the World. And it is our perception of reality, that creates our emotions, and thus how we see/feel/experience the World. Every experience (good and bad), every person you talk to, every advertisement you see, every parent, sibling, friend, teacher, co-worker, or partner who has ever dispensed on you their ‘opinion’ of you and who you are, has the potential to shape our grooves, and thus, how we experience ourselves in this world. Being UNAWARE that external stimuli affects our reality.

By not taking responsibility for our own thoughts and actions we fall victim to our own lives. The next time someone tells you that you’re are a bad listener, or that your dreams are unattainable, stop for a moment before you internalize these thoughts and act on them.

meditating. a practice in which an individual trains the mind or induces a mode of consciousness, either to realize some benefit or as an end in itself. it was not until I started Aikido that I started meditating. and it was until recently that I learned what meditation does for me. Don’t think you can meditate? Close your eyes. Take 1 deep breath in, then out. Now imagine yourself jumping on the bounciest bed you have ever been on. Feel how alive you feel. Now remember a time in your childhood when you got the best hug you’ve ever had. Stay here for a moment. Let your heart melt a bit. Exhale.

Be good, to yourself, to others, and to the planet. Give to receive.dance in your underwear, run through sprinklers, ask questions, believe in people, hope, have Faith, have faith in others, and in yourself. If you want to attract people around you who like who you are, guess what, you HAVE TO BE WHO YOU ARE AT ALL TIMES!

You really are a Grinch aren’t you?

Just for some clarification, my last post was intended to be partly funny and partly serious. the holiday season is not my most favorite time of the year. In fact my most favorite time of the year is any day I do not have to work. I am not big into the holidays year around. but that doesn’t mean I out right hate everyone. I help people on a daily basis and for the most part I enjoy it. even though I rarely get appreciated for the help I do give. ever since I was a kid I have loved solving difficult problems the harder the problem the more fun I had solving it. Guess that’s why I love sciences, math, and technology as much as I do. It is why I love RPG games, such and LoZ series and why I got into Dungeons & Dragons they are games that not only require a bit of thinking power. one game (the latter) required the use of your mind and imagination; working alongside each other to win.

I build and repair computers for a living. Truth be told if I did not enjoy that type of work I wouldn’t be there. albeit rare I do occasionally get that customer that is just pleased I was able to help them and the cost is well worth it to them just to have their computer working again. it is those customers I treasure and love seeing in the store because they understand I am doing my job and they know I do a great job. This job gives me the rush that I get from solving a difficult problem. So many times when I talk to other professionals in my field they don’t even try to fix the issue they just go straight to the formatting the hard drive and re-installation of windows. a common misconception is that virus and malware are out to corrupt windows. that is not true the people behind a majority of the malware out there don’t want to put your computer out of commission they want it to function so they can make money off of it. now there are viruses and malware out there intent in destroying your computer but there is no money in those though. so when I get an infected machine in my office I see it as a challenge to be conquered!

“What about those Face book and Twitter post you read all the time!? how do you put up with those people?” well yes I like to make fun of stupid people and sharing the experience but you will notice I never reveal who they really are. I will never just make fun of anyone to their face that is not professional and anyone who does treat a customer like that to their face does not deserve to have their job. that’s the difference, no matter how dumb or stupid the problem may be I handle it just like I would anything else, because that means great customer service. you cannot get into the business I am and expect everyone to know how to do everything there would no reason for people like me if everyone knew how to do what I do.

Just like any job that deals with the general populous there are times you have to grow a thick skin. There are always people out trying to get stuff done for next to nothing or free. by complaining about customer service. today’s society has taught people to get their money back all they have to do is complain to a higher up and by doing that they threaten to ruin the company’s image so the higher ups will refund to save face. here is the kicker people lie, and they lie a lot. 9.5 or of 10 customers that claim they are going to take their service elsewhere and claim they are going to tarnish the company’s image are damn dirty liars and don’t have the balls to do anything. I have learned over the years if a customer comes in unhappy they are going to leave unhappy regardless. their bark is worse than their bite. if someone threatens to go to a different service I tell them to go, they are not going hurt me one bit. I do not want to serve customers like that.

I can go all day talking about this so I will give you this … when you get home at night do you feel like you did some good for the world that day? if your answer is no maybe you need to reevaluate some stuff. No matter how bad of day I may have there is always that feeling of accomplishment when I get home because I helped someone. By helping just that one appreciated customer you start a chain of reactions that will eventually come full circle back to you.  Even if that stupid task of showing some one that they are pressing the power button on the monitor instead of the computer or as simple as showing someone how to delete a file. so all I am asking for everyone to just take that extra step to be nice to people no matter how horrible they are to you. You can always make fun of them after they leave. Laugh, make sure you laugh each and every day! Life is dull with out laughter.

its that time of year again…

Grumpy hates it too

I’m an admitted hater of all things Christmas. I just hate this holiday season. Commercialization of the holiday has blinded everyone to the true reason for the season(whatever that might be).  I still HATE Christmas.

Cookies and peppermint sticks. Little lights twinkling everywhere. The way every time you come inside from the cold; your glasses fog up and you can’t see for hours! Friends and family coming together only to argue about why they didn’t get what they wanted. Coats and scarves and glove. Oh my, gloves. I do so hate those. you cant grab onto anything to save your life, and you can barely move when you are all bundled up. The way it gets dark outside so early I feel like I have to go to bed at 5:30 pm.

Every year we send flimsy bits of cardboard with awful pictures on them to people we never see or speak to throughout the year. And every year we get flimsy bits of cardboard with awful pictures on them given to us which we then have to display in our homes in case the giver happens to drop by. Which is unlikely seeing as we haven’t seen or spoken to them all year. Decorations I don’t mind what people have inside their homes, as I don’t have to look at it. I’m talking about the stuff people decorate the outside of their homes with. As far as I can tell, there are two rules every outside decorator thinks they must obey: the lights must be the brightest you can find, and if they don’t flash and/or cause a hazardous distraction to drivers, you’ve not used enough. For preference, you should also create your own Nativity/Farm/North Pole with brightly lit animal structures too, for that added tackiness.

The Christmas season is a story of nuclear families huddled around the fireplace, all celebrating the same holiday in good cheer. Yet everyone’s supposed to have the same families around them, the same religious beliefs, and the same good things happen to them. this is hogwash. To me, a real Christmas spirit of loving, kindness and warmth would celebrate diversity, rather than bury it. What I’m saying is, it would be nice to remember is that not everyone is fortunate enough to have a life-partner, let alone a nuclear family, and that some people are really quite okay with that. Just like some people are okay with not having a Christmas tree, or being in a wheelchair, or whatever.

a weekend from the internet

I have spent most of the weekend from the use of the internet. I have learned I can bake bread like a boss and that on a cool summer night sitting next to a fire pit not only can be relaxing but uplifting for your spirits. My daily routine is go to work stare at computer screen come home eat dinner and continue to stare at computer screens until I go to bed where I read until I fall asleep. Wake up and repeat. This weekend I wanted to get away from that this weekend I wanted to learn something new and I set out to do that.

I decided to try my hand at making bread from scratch. I succeeded in that task and found it to be quite an easy task when compared to other stuff I have cooked/baked.

My recipe:


  • 2 cups warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
  • 2/3 cup white sugar
  • 1 packet active dry yeast
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
  • 1/4 cup vegetable oil
  • 5 cups bread flour


  1. In a large bowl, dissolve the sugar in warm water, and then stir in yeast. Allow to proof until yeast resembles creamy foam.
  2. Mix salt and oil into the yeast. Mix in flour one cup at a time. Knead dough on a lightly floured surface until smooth. Place in a well oiled bowl, and turn dough to coat. Cover with a damp cloth. Allow to rise until doubled in bulk, about 1 hour.
  3. Punch dough down. Knead for a few minutes, and divide in half. Shape into loaves, and place into two well oiled 9×5 inch loaf pans. Allow to rise for 30 minutes.
  4. Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 30 minutes.

While letting the dough rise I had to figure out why one of my modded maverick rev-6 was not shooting like it should. So it gave me time to sit down and crack it back open and find out. In the end I think it is the darts I’m shooting. I need to switch to the suction darts or may be to the stream line darts. Once the bread was finished, tasting time it was awesome!


We decided to make kabobs and rice for dinner. After dinner we sat around the fire pit and for once in quite some time I was pretty relaxed and enjoying myself. The night was cool first cool night in quite some time and having the fire was a perfect end to an almost perfect day. There is only one thing to make it perfect but we are not going to go into that.

Fire pit!

A day of survival in a virtual world

some of you may want to know what i have been up well short answer is playing a whole lot of DayZ. what is DayZ? glad you asked!

A 225 km2 open world post-soviet state and one of the areas hit by a new and presently unknown infection which has wiped out most of the world’s population. You are one of the few who have survived and now you must search this new wasteland in order to fight for your life against what is left of the indigenous population, now infected with the disease.

Go Solo, team up with friends or take on the world as you choose your path in this brutal and chilling landscape using whatever means you stumble upon to survive.

Continue reading

A Break from Technology maybe?

I live and breathe the technology world on an almost daily basis. So needless to say it is hard to escape. I am truly thankful for the advancement of technology and what it has done to make life easier, but I also hope the rate at which we are disengaging from old school communication slows. I will forever be a fan of a solid handshake, eye contact, and a spirited verbal conversation.

There is more to life than flickering pixels and online avatars. More than status updates and Google alerts. There are things that I miss. There are things that are legitimate, like family and friends and loved ones, the chance to talk face to face and not just to a computer screen, the feeling of actually hugging someone you care about and not just wishing that you could.

Our gadgets are the at the centre of our livelihood these days. They keep us connected to the people in our lives, they keep us up-to-date on what’s going on in the world, they remind us of our obligations and they help us pass the time when we’re waiting in line. They remind us to exercise, they entertain us, they play music to lull us to sleep and they capture precious moments on camera. What would we do without them?

When we treat our work as life — instead of a way to live — we fall out of balance and into unhealthy habits. – Jeff Goins

The internet. The thing that is so unbelievably useful in uniting the world, providing communication, tools, knowledge, and more, and the thing that also so easily sucks you into a black hole, eats up your time, and leaves you with strained eyes and the realization that you have just wasted hours on a social networking site. The internet is both what provides me the opportunity to stay in touch with those I love and what gives me the opportunity to hone my procrastination skills. It is amazing and also sometimes terrible. Having the internet at all is a privilege. When we find ourselves upset when something doesn’t load or load quickly enough. It says we (I included) have become too consumed, too obsessed, too concerned with what’s going on every second of every day with everyone else.  I’m guilty of it, and while I love sharing what’s going on sometimes a little respite from the world wide web is a good thing.

Sure, I like being connected. And, yes, I love technology and all the things it does for us.  And I don’t have to feel bad about that!  And neither do you.  But taking a break to take in what’s around you is so necessary sometimes. It’s necessary for our sanity, for remembering that life is what’s around us and not on a computer screen, for realizing that we are privileged, for making sure we value our surroundings, and the people that help make our lives better.

when plans go awry

I hate making plans because they always get ruined. they say “the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” No matter how carefully a project is planned, something may still go wrong with it. I should have known better than to have gotten my hopes up. there is always something that happens that does not allow for anything I plan to ever work out. I remember way back I had planned to spend on spring break with my friends camping. I had bought a brand new tent for that week. I bought a new fishing rod and several other camping equipment. well it snowed several inches that week and we did not get to go. that was years ago, I have yet to use that tent. Ever since then anything I plan fails on the epic scale. maybe its the tent! that tent is bad luck and needs to be thrown way!

I very rarely make plans because if I do they always seem to crash. I like getting up and just going, but I never seem to have the time to do that. always working and when I am home I just want to be left alone at times. It is also hard when you have dogs to go places and its expensive to board them. I guess I just need to get use to not going anywhere and guess I should just not make any plans. Someday I will be able too do what i want to do but probably not until I am 80.

A revelation, was needed…

in my last post i had this to leave you guys with:

 when people come along and say God doesn’t want you to be alone… well why won’t he answer my prayers? my faith has been rocked several times and it’s just hard to have faith in times like I’m having now . if I am meant to be happy why is it i can not be happy?

over this last weekend I decided to do some searching, a task to look into what im missing and it required me to go into my past and examine where it started to go wrong. and i needed some help. so I started searching the interwebs for something that might catch my attention and i came across this video on youtube…

now this video has two important things to note.

1. I found out an old childhood friend of mine has become a pastor and it lit a smile on my face to see this.

2. his message really hit home. go to his site if you want to read the whole message.

now I very rarely talk about my religious views especially on the internet where its full of people just itching to troll sites.

the warning is here… this post is not about whether I believe or not nor is it about whether I think im right and everyone else is wrong. I am not questioning anyone else’s faith or lack there of. If you believe in God and truly believe you know he gave us the free will to make our choices and if you don’t believe in God you still believe you are able to make your own choices.

I have always believed in God, that has never changed, however I have not really lived a very christian lifestyle. I am slowly working my self into a better person. and this last weekend was a light bulb moment. In Jeremiah’s message he said:

He is not a god who is aloof and distant somewhere in the clouds…

  • He is the God who promised to never leave them, nor forsake them, Heb. 13:5
  • The God who is even right now in their midst
  • The God who is searching their hearts, Rev. 2:23
I have forgotten over time I am not alone. God is right here with me and I forgot his promise. I sit here even on the verge of tears kicking myself how could I forget this. I have been trying to do everything I have been trying alone, but at the same time I was not alone.  now I know Rev. chapters 2 and 3 are a series of letters to the churches, with the intent of examining them but they can also be seen as it was with me an examination of my own life. an unveiling of the past and right now.
Honesty often hurts.  Whether it’s being honest about yourself to somebody else…or being honest to somebody else about them.  It’s hard to be “humblyhonest” to others regarding things we see in their life that might need improvement, and so most of the time, we choose the road with least resistance and keep our mouths shut.
 again this hit hard when I heard it. I was not being honest with myself, always being angry at God and always blaming him for why I was being put through all this turmoil all this bad karma. this while I was looking back was all my fault looking back at the decisions I made put me on my path I started.  and it was a path of my own design with nothing else but tunnel vision something I hate seeing because I see other people with tunnel vision and it makes me angry to seen them all being closed-minded while my self I have been so closed-minded to the one opinion everyone that believes should listen to …. God’s Opinion.

1. “I know

  • I know your works…(2:2, 9, 13, 19) His eyes of fire see what you do for Him that nobody else sees.
  • Where you live         (13)                 (tough neighborhood, family life, roommate…)
  • What you are going through (9)
  • What you are about to go through, (10) and I know how it all ends

2. And He says, “I will give to each one of you according to your works” (vs. 23)“I WILL GIVE”  (vs. 7, 10, 17, 23, 28)

  • Promise to the churches and to each of us as individuals (each one of you)…
  • When you live for Christ, He promises over and over in His Word to bless you
    • Hebrews 11:6, “…He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him…”
    • Doesn’t necessarily mean physical blessings
    • Sometimes He blesses you with an overwhelming sense of peace // or joy // contentment
sense of peacejoy, or contentment. three words that I have not know for a very long time because I have been so focused on what I thought I needed and so angry I didn’t have it. I lay blame. “if you truly loved me why haven’t you given this to me why do I not have that!?” something I am all to familiar with. after sitting down and listening to several sermons preacher knoop gave I realized what I have been missing it’s not that I stopped believing it is just I decided that I would just ignore God and his words. A big light bulb came on as I came to this revelation and I am hoping I can begin a new path back to my path with God. I know my life wont change instantly in one day, but it is a start in the correct direction.

not always a choice

Sometimes people that don’t want to be alone and did not do anything to end up alone end up that way. I fully believe that I am cursed.

i always say i don’t like to be around people i don’t know, its true i hate being in area with a large amount of people that i don’t know. if i am with someone i can handle it a lot easier. i don’t go out and party, a lot of people state that is my problem. i just don’t like going out and getting drunk. also i live in a smaller town that really doesn’t have much to offer in opportunities to go out and do things. i love reading books playing video games, but i miss having that hang out i did back in college i could go and just relax and see all my friends and be happy. i am not a fan of larger cities i am an oldskool small town dude. However i’m also use to being close to family and friends i could always count on. i have been on my own for quite some time now and i have never been in one place for very long.

no matter where i’ve been something always happens that causes either me to move or start a new path and i just get further and further away from people i know. i get depressed and you get to read a blog post about it. this is my daily routine…

get up, get dressed, walk the dogs, go to work, come home, walk dogs, play a video game maybe, go to bed; and repeat.

and life is kind of stressful and sometime is wish i had someone to talk to at the end of the day. when people come along and say God doesn’t want you to be alone… well why won’t he answer my prayers? my faith has be rocked several times and its just hard to have faith in times like i’m having now . if i am meant to be happy why is it i can not be happy?